Yes folks, the voting is over and the ballots have been counted, but Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei HAS NOT named our winner.  No, you — our faithful blog readers — have decided who won the 314th PAOC’s Mustache May competition. 

BEST LOOKING

If you voted for Contestant A, you chose SGT Bryan Tull.

The winner of the Best Looking mustache category was SGT Bryan Tull.  This is his second time visiting Iraq, so perhaps he knows about some special techniques for facial hair (or maybe he had a team of voters stuffing the ballot box).  Either way, he was the hands-down winner in that category, far ahead of SPC James Clifton, the second place contender.

SGT Tull has lived in Iraq more than the United States over the past 3 years.  He deployed here in 2006-2007 with the 210th Mobile Public Affairs Detachment of Garner, NC.  During that deployment, he said he got to see a lot more of the country.  During this tour of duty he has been stuck behind a desk much of the time since he serves as the NCOIC for the Escort Section of the Combined Press Information Center (oh the inhumanity of entering middle management!).

SGT Tull leads by example. The day after a big duststorm, he cleans the very dirty windows at the Combined Press Information Center.

According to SGT Tull, his girlfriend is happy he won the best-looking category, but is even happier that he has shaved if off.  Laura is a recent psychology graduate at the University of Alabama-Birmingham, and SGT Tull is a junior there in History and Education (hopefully he will not be volunteering to deploy again before he can finish his bachelor’s degree).

In addition to the votes from Laura and her friends at UAB, SGT Tull also got the support of his parents.  His father Del is the leader of the 314th PAOC Family Readiness Group, a volunteer position that maintains communication with the friends and family members of the 314th PAOC’s deployed Soldiers.  According to SGT Tull, his mom Carole spends lots of time helping out.

 FUNNIEST LOOKING AND SHAVE THAT THING OFF

If you voted for Contestant D, you were voting for MAJ James Lincoln. Since he won both the Funniest-Looking and Shave That Thing Off categories, we can assume that our voters had no sense of humor for his mustache.

In a suprise double win, MAJ James Lincoln, the Executive Officer for the 314th PAOC, won both the Funniest-Looking and Shave That Thing Off categories — leaving all others “in the dust” (pardon the Iraqi pun).

He said he was happy to win both categories because it meant he would win two prizes — twice as many as the best-looking mustache winner (hmmmm, sounds like rationalization to me).  The winner of each category wins a coffee mug from the American Mustache Institute, and we all know MAJ Lincoln is a two-fisted drinker (of coffee).

MAJ Lincoln seemed to have drawn votes from many different demographic groups — Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and even members of the American Mustache Institute — making him the “Barack Obama of the Mustache World”.   Most importantly, he got the vote of his wife Brenda, who is very happy that her husband is now ’sans mustache.”  All these people united to say, “Thanks for the laugh, now lose it!”

MAJ James Lincoln may be without his mustache now, but he still has the hairy attitude!

The 314th PAOC would like to thank everyone around the world who took time to send in a vote this Mustache May contest — including members of the American Mustache Institute (especially you Miss Mustache, columnist from the AMI website), judges from the 2009 Beard and Moustache World Championships (held this year in Alaska), and supporters of our troops who serve our country!