“If you could do one thing for the rest of your life and be happy about it, what would it be?”
This was a question that I was asked recently. This was probably one of the hardest questions that I have ever been asked, and I honestly could not answer it.
I guess I never really thought about it before. I mean I’ve been asked what do you want to be years from now and things like that. I have an answer for that. I would want to be happy, but what would I do to make myself happy for the rest of my life is the question that I do not have the answer to.
Having to answer this question has caused so much frustration. It seems the idea of going and graduating from college is pushed so hard but the idea of what to do after college is often forgotten. Many people assume just because you have a college degree you are bound to have a great career. This I’m finding out is not always so.
It also becomes difficult trying to figure out yourself when people start to pressure you to get married and start having children. Seriously? I just graduated from college. Give me a chance to breathe. It seems that’s what many people think once college is finished (especially for females).
I think that is the question I am asked most now that I have graduated from college is “when are you getting married?” Most people don’t ask it that bluntly but they sooner or later get around to asking this question in their own “special” way. I mean can’t I get myself together before I attach to another person for the rest of my life (hopefully).
I think in a way that’s why many marriages do not work out. They are rushed to get married before they really realize who they are. If you don’t completely know who you are how can you expect to fully know and understand another person? A person you plan to be with for the rest of your life? My parents have been married for 31 years. All the time my mom says, “I’ve been with your dad longer then I’ve been without him.” I can’t seem to fathom this idea, definitely not at this stage of my life. Marriage is something that I hold very sacred. Deciding to focus on myself and not rushing in will only make me better.
I wish people would understand this. I almost start to think there is something wrong with me when I start to think, I’m nowhere near ready to get married. I’m only 24! Apparently, others are saying, “wow you are already 24, and you are not married, with no prospect,” then they make that face (you know the face I’m talking about, if you don’t then you are probably the one making it).
I want to focus on figuring out what I can do for the rest of my life. I sometimes think that college is not necessary the next step but the step that helps prolong the question of now what. I think I looked at college as, once I have my degree things are going to fall right into place. This is not the case. If anything now that I’ve graduated from college I have more questions. I now have a degree and no idea what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I’m sure many people feel the same way once they are out of college but no one ever says it. At least, I hope I’m not the only one thinking this.
Thursday, 4. June 2009
You’re not alone! I’m almost 28 and still not married. Believe me, I understand the pressure. It comes from ALL directions. I just followed my own heart and didn’t listen to all of those other people. At this point in my life, I’ve found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and I’m confident in that decision because I’ve waited to understand and believe in myself before I let someone else in that deeply. So, it’s okay…go at your own pace. You could be 30 and still not married, but you’ll know that you didn’t marry for the wrong reasons.
About your future: You don’t have to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. You only need to know what you want to do now. I work in Career Services at UAB and I can tell you that not many people these days stay on the same track for their entire career. It’s all about change and being flexible.
So, here’s my advice (for what it’s worth): Do what you want to do now and if you change your mind in the future, it’s okay, change your mind and career path. Don’t listen to everyone who wants you to decide the rest of your life right now!
Thursday, 4. June 2009
“Well said.” Marriage and ambition should not have an age or limitation.
I read what you said and you have some intelligent, well thought out ideals. You seem to have your head on straight and are well-rounded. Stay on the path you are on and you will have all your heart’s desires.
Friday, 5. June 2009
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 06/05/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.
Sunday, 7. June 2009
I am 62 years old and have worked since I was 14 (since 6 if you count the farm) and I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. In college I wanted to teach history and did that for a year before the draft led me to the Army. I loved the Army but my wife wanted to live near her parents. So, we leave the Army and and changed career paths again. As to marrage-we have been married 39 years and have one of those marrages that we knew was right from the start (we dated three years before marrage) and are even more in love now than way back then. Then came the family pressure to have children but for a myrad of reasons we waited 11 years till it was “right” and then in short order had two wonderful kids.
As Davy Crockett said “Be sure you are right then go ahead!”You will find that someone! Donot let family pressures rush you into bad choices.
Friday, 12. June 2009
I think the age from 20-24 is the worst for pressure to marry. I married when I was ready at 25. I found my true love. You have a wonderful plan, get your degree, travel, or do what you want first. The right person will come along. Sometimes married people don’t see that being not married is just as fun. I am sure the right one will come at the right time for you.
Vicky( Soldiers’ Angel)
Thursday, 18. June 2009
I waited until I was 31 to get married. Don’t rush it (or let someone else rush YOU)!